every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
