I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
These tits shall not be calmed
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
