This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
