Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
