You're my little dorito
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize