It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize