I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
