you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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