worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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