I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
