he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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