Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
