Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
