Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
