he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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