It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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