If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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