I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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