R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
