People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
