the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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