I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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