I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
