he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize