Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
