I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
