At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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