A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I want to fling myself into the sun
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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