3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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