Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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