She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
