i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
