Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
