I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
