I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
