Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
