I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
