I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
