i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
