The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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