just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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