everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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