I can't breathe out the right side of my face
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
