I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
