i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How external is "for external use only"?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
