Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
