Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
