please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
