Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize