Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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