Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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