nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
