I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
