Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
