new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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