I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
