Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
