Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
