u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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