Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
