if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
