sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
