im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
