I think I died a long time ago.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
