So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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