is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
