ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
