i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
