The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
