I faked an abortion last night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
