Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
