Banned from zoo.
Again?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
