So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
