I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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