he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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