I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
