Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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