HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
