yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
