Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
