What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
