i may or may not be watching the land before time
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
