His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
