i would punch a child for taco bell
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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