Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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